Social Stories

Social stories are an incredibly powerful tool for teaching young children about social norms. It's no secret that one of the most effective ways to support a child's learning is through literature. However, I have had a heck of a time finding simple (but not too simple), developmentally-appropriate social stories that use similar language to what we use in the Pre-K classroom.

So I decided to write my own.

Families, feel free to use these stories at home as a tool for starting or continuing a conversation with your child about social norms. All stories with a link can be downloaded and printed. If there isn't a link yet, that means that the story isn't quite complete yet with pictures (so stay tuned).

Kitty Cats Include Others
a social story to teach children how to include others in play

Magical Creatures Make Great Friends
a social story to teach child how to initiate, join, and sustain play

Ninjas Use Helping Hands
a social story to teach children how to use gentle hands in play and times of conflict

My Body is a Traffic Light!
a social story to teach children about the message their face and body language is sending to their friends

Kings (and Queens) Listen to Others
a social story to encourage natural leaders to listen to others' ideas in play

Dogs Woof. Cats Meow. People Talk.
a social story to teach children the importance of speaking in a clear voice without whining

Bucket-Fillers Tell the Truth
a social story to teach children the importance of telling the truth

Princesses (and Princes) Use Polite Words
a social story to teach child to use polite words

The Art of Listening

Adults. We talk a lot. We're not always the best listeners when it comes to children. It's part of our nature to want to solve problems and impart our own wisdom. To teach, really. When it comes to young children, there are times when we, as teachers of life, just can't help ourselves.

But learning when to bite our tongue can also be a very powerful - and challenging - exercise.

The other day a child came to school with a problem that needed to be solved. The swings are a very popular place on the playground - often having a line of four or five children long - and there was no good way to save one's place to go to the bathroom, get a coat, or grab a quick drink of water.

Being the great problem-solver that she already is, this child came to school with a plan. She had written out the names of five friends on separate pieces of paper to place on the swings as "placeholders" should the need arise.

Every fiber in my adult/teacher being wanted to point out the potential problems to this well-meaning child:
How are the other children going to feel that don't have placeholders?
But these pieces of paper won't hold up ten minutes in a Pacific Northwest downpour!
It's not okay to save swings in the first place!

I ended up commending her for her attention to the problem and her attempt to come up with a solution. Then I suggested we talk as a group about other possible solutions to the problem. Our meeting went something like this:

Me: Hannah noticed a problem on our playground. There's no good way to save your swing or place in line if you have to go to the bathroom. Does anyone else see this as a problem?

Everyone raises their hand.

Me: So do you think we should be able to save a swing? Even if there's a line of people waiting?

Everyone nods unanimously and excitedly. (This took every ounce of restraint not to point out the issues with this)

Student: You can save your place inside but you can't save your place outside! (Hmmmm....never thought about that)

Me: So this is obviously a problem. What are some ways that we can solve it?

Hannah (showing the name cards that she made) explains her idea (solution #1)

Student: My name isn't in there!

Hannah: I could make a card for everyone in the class. (solution #2)

Student: What about the sand timer? (solution #3)

Me: How would you use the sand timer to solve this problem?

Student shrugs his shoulders. A few others solutions were then discussed, including teachers saving spots for students - an idea that was quickly dismissed by students for being too impractical.

Me: Okay, so we agree that we all want to be able to save our swing. Do you see any potential problems with Hannah's pieces of paper? (Part of me wishes that I had encouraged them to use the papers to see how quickly they would fall apart but we were having such a good conversation at this point and I saw it as an opportunity to deepen their thinking even more).

Student: We could lose them.

Student: They could get wet.

Student: What about a beanbag instead? Everyone starts agreeing.

Me: Okay, so we'll use a beanbag to hold places in line. Do we all agree on this solution? An overwhelming agreement finalized the meeting.

Within only five minutes, a teacher-guided / student-led conversation had resulted in a real problem being solved. Students felt validated. Cooperation was rewarded. A feeling of mutual respect was instilled. And while I can still see the potential problems down the road (how long can you save a swing or place for?), they will be rich sources for authentic conflict resolution strategies.

I encourage you to bite your tongue the next time you are around children willing and wanting to solve a problem. Guide them to think critically. Encourage them to consider their peers' viewpoints. Challenge them to come up with - and stick to/reconsider - their solutions. Doing this will result in genuine and authentic learning that will lead to autonomous, empowered citizens of the world.

Social and Emotional Health Assets

Last night, the local school district sponsored an event about Social and Emotional Health Assets that resonated with me as an early childhood educator, as well as a parent of elementary school-aged children. When I chatted with the people sitting next to me, I realized that the messages from the presentation also applied to parents of teens, young adults, and even adults. Rarely do I attend a meeting where strategies transcend such a wide span of ages - the evening left me feeling energized with new ideas.

The speaker, Clay Roberts, discussed the importance of Social and Emotional Health Assets - both external and internal assets - that are critical for a child's mental well being. The greater number of these assets a child is exposed to during his/her childhood, the less likely he/she is to participate in risky behaviors and the more likely he/she is to become a positive member of society with a strong foundation of moral character.

This list of assets is not my own, rather the compilation of a variety of researchers of social and emotional health programs.

As you read through this list, ask yourself:
- which of these assets were paramount in my own upbringing? 
- which of these assets were paramount in my own upbringing and I am focusing on as a parent myself?
- which of these assets were not paramount in my own upbringing but are important to me as a parent myself?
- which of these assets are my strengths as a parent? 
- which of these assets would I like to improve on? (and what are some ways that I can make that happen?)

Children become socially, emotionally strong and capable when they:

Experience high levels of support from a variety of institutions and individuals including:
- loving, supportive families
- other adult relationships (think of it as other parents looking out for your child as if he/she were their own)
- caring neighborhood
- caring school environment
- youth programs
- faith community

Feel empowered, valued, and capable as a result of experiencing:
- a community that values youth
- being treated as a resource
- providing service to others
- feeling safe

Have clear and logical consequences and are surrounded by people who have appropriately high expectations for them. These boundaries and expectations include:
- family, school, and neighborhood boundaries
- adult role models
- positive peer influence (are your child's friends good for them?)
- high expectations
- worthy challenges

Have a range of social skills and attitudes that allows him/her to function successfully in a variety of social settings, including:
- making and keeping friends
- peaceful conflict resolution
- acceptance and tolerance
- planning and decision making
- cultural competence
- resistance skills (knowing how to say 'no' without losing relationships)
- social awareness and advocacy

Possess a number of core positive values that serve as a moral compass and guide their life choices:
integrity / courage / caring / honesty / responsibility / restraint / equity and social justice / fairness / respect

Possess the insight and skills to achieve and maintain a healthy and stable emotional state:
- emotional awareness
- sympathy and empathy
- self-management
- anger management and self-control
- self-aware and self reliant

Possess the attitudes and beliefs that better ensure long term success in school and life (i.e. a positive identity):
- resourcefulness
- grit (the ability to positively deal with "crap") and perseverance
- sense of purpose
- self-reliance
- passion
- growth mindset
- positive view of future
- creativity

For more information, check out the full presentation slideshow here.

Transitioning to Kindergarten

The end of preschool can bring up a lot of uncomfortable emotions - for children and parents both. For those who haven't seen a child off to kindergarten before (and even those who have...particularly if the transition was challenging the first time around), there can be a lot of anxiety and worry about the unknown. A lot of families also experience sadness that the close-knit community of the preschool years is coming to an end. The more we, as parents, are able to identify and validate our own emotions during these more challenging times, the better we can support our children to do the same.

Here are a few tips for helping children (and ourselves) through this transition period:

1. Talk openly with your child about their feelings regarding the transition to kindergarten. 

Listening without judgement ("that's silly to feel worried") or brushing off their feelings ("you don't need to be worried. It'll be fine") will provide your child with the pathway to express him/herself when they're ready.

Starting the listening and conversation process early will allow more reluctant or uncertain children time to process how they're feeling. This takes time for a lot of children! Role playing with puppets or stuffed animals can be a handy tool for talking about feelings, too.

Validating their feelings ("it's okay to feel worried..."), while offering reassurances, will help to build your child's confidence and comfort in being an independent thinker.

2. Try not to show your own anxieties too much - or add to the anxiety of the experience (such as with a "countdown to kindergarten" chart). Instead, try talking with your child about your own kindergarten experience in a relaxed and informal way. Or have a sibling tell your child about some of their positive experiences from that year. (Save the overcoming-negative-experiences stories for later).

3. Create some familiarity.

If you know the school that your child will be attending, spend time on the playground there over the summer. Walk through the halls when the doors open again in August. Plan play dates over the summer with children who will be attending the same school.

For those families living in a swing district, spend time at both schools! We are so fortunate to live in a community with so many wonderful elementary campuses.

4. Prepare your child by playing the "what if" game.

At bedtime, or another relaxed time of day, talk your child through some of the unknowns of the day using this playful format.
"What if... you need to use the bathroom during class?"
"What if... you hurt yourself out at recess?"
"What if... you can't find your classroom?"
Talking through these scenarios and coming up with a general plan for each will provide your child with the power of information and, hopefully, help to ease some of the anxieties leading up to elementary school.

5. Read! Read! Read!

There are many great books about the kindergarten transition. Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready for Kindergarten is my personal favorite. Others include: Look Out Kindergarten, Here I Come!, The Pirate of Kindergarten, and Kindergarten Rocks! (to name just a few).

You might also consider reading stories about some of the uncomfortable emotions that your child may be experiencing leading up to kindergarten. Wemberly Worried and Chrysanthemum are two of my favorites. Of course, there are tons of wonderful stories out there to help your child learn strategies for getting back to green.

With all of these suggestions, remember not to go too overboard. Watch how your child responds and adjust accordingly. September is still a long way off and children at this age don't have a strong sense of time. While some children may need quite a bit of preparation time, others may not. You know your child best. Follow their lead.

The Benefits of Sensory Play

Can I just tell you how much I love messy sensory play? Whenever we get our hands dirty at preschool - I mean really, really sticky and gooey - I get to experience the biggest smiles, the best questions, and the most articulate observations from my young scientists.

Plus, in what other point in life do you get the freedom to fully immerse yourself in the exploration of new materials using most of your senses without judgment? (And, in what point in life can you do this without needing to clean up the big mess that you make afterward?!).

Research shows that sensory play - with no preconceived knowledge or expectations - is critical during the early childhood years. As children work together and talk through the process of exploring new materials, cooperative and problem-solving skills are promoted as well as essential opportunities for linguistic development. For example, some children might love the different textures while their friend does not. Or a friend might describe a substance using completely different words or phrases. Oftentimes, we need to take turns or even share materials throughout the process, which requires complex conversational and problem solving skills. As a result, children begin to see that others may have different viewpoints than their own and start to develop a rich vocabulary that can then be transferred to others areas of learning.

When students are encouraged to make authentic observations, their cognitive abilities to make decisions, ask questions, and reflect on their learning are sharpened. Inquiry and evaluation are naturally embedded in the sensory play process. Because of its appeal to 'test the limits' for some children, the self control 'muscle' is also exercised rigorously during sensory play.

Sensory play also encourages fine motor development. Sometimes materials are small and hard to catch. They might have a texture that makes simply picking them up difficult (water beads are amazing). Sometimes materials change from liquid to solid, which requires a considerable amount of hand strength to pull apart (oobleck is tons of fun). Whatever the experience, sensory play is essential in developing the pincer grasp and hand strength necessary for future writing.

For me, the creative aspect of sensory play is what it's truly all about. Process-based activities provide the open-ended learning experiences that children need to gain confidence in the classroom and in life. While I take certain precautions to ensure that students are comfortable (setting out aprons, providing spoons for the reluctant learner), I think it's incredibly important to allow young children to immerse themselves in these sensory experiences with few limitations.

When we restrict play ("Don't get your clothes messy!") or place our own labels on learning experiences ("Yuck! I don't like that stuff!"), we are essentially robbing children of necessary opportunities to develop confidence, autonomy, and self efficacy in all areas of development (cognitive, linguistic, physical, and social/emotional). On the other hand, when we allow children to explore their world with wholehearted enthusiasm (or not), we send the message that exploration and higher thinking is important. We give the child the power to place value on the learning experiences. Those 'little things,' like dirty clothes, aren't that big of a deal.  Establishing a love for learning, play, creativity, and thinking outside the box IS a big deal. That's what I want my students to take away from the sensory experiences that I provide in the classroom.

We made our own 'moon dust' this week. We started with baking soda and described our observations using four of our senses. Someone suggested that moon rocks are grey, so we added some tempera paint. Someone else suggested they sparkle, so in went the glitter. We added water to add some texture to our moon rocks. How about we make them explode? The children were more than happy to oblige by adding vinegar to their tubs of goo. Overheard during the process:

"Whoa! It's hard like concrete!"

"I wish I could take this home!"

"Look! It's alien goo!"

"This kinda reminds me of pudding."

"It's making craters! Like the moon!"𑂽


More reading on the subject of sensory play in early childhood:

Look, Listen, Touch, Feel, Taste: The Importance of Sensory Play

Why is Sensory Play so Important? (this article provides some great home opportunities for sensory play)

Developing and Cultivating Skills Through Sensory Play

Teacher! He won't play with me!

The four year old brain can be an "acid trip" (yes, a real term suggested from a highly respected professional on the island!) of thoughts and emotions - both comfortable and uncomfortable. Problem-solving through these uncomfortable emotions is what preschool is all about.

One conflict that requires a lot of work - especially as children gain a greater sense of social awareness (typically within the 4-5 age range) - is social inclusion and exclusion. I would say that, in an average day, about 50% of the conflicts that arise in the early childhood classroom have to do with children wanting to play with a peer and being rejected, thus resulting in seeking help from a teacher.

We talk a lot about this type of conflict at group time and in the moment as well. We role play and model how to be inclusive with our peers. We also suggest to children that 'everyone can play' at preschool except for when a child needs alone time (because we ALL need alone time sometimes, right?!).

Dealing with this conflict year after year, however, has really got me thinking about teaching children how to resolve this kind of conflict BEFORE it even happens. How can we support students in evaluating a social situation before they even attempt to enter it, with the hope that the chance of rejection is much, much smaller?

Enter the red light/yellow light/green light strategy for WHEN (not HOW) to approach a friend to play.

The basic idea of this strategy suggests that people give off a red light (they don't want to interact with you), yellow light (not sure), or green light (they do want to play with you). Children can be taught how to approach others giving off these signals, as well as how to give off these signals to others.

The red light child might appear angry. He might be deeply invested in what he's doing and ignoring you. He might not make eye contact. He might be running away from you!

The green light child might appear happy, content, or calm. He might make eye contact and face you with his body. He might be initiating play.

Parents can use this strategy for teaching children when friends, siblings, and even adults are approachable or not approachable. Parents can also use this strategy for showing children how their own body language and words can affect how others perceive them. It's a fascinating strategy and is applicable well into the adult years!

Here's the worksheet that I sent home with my parents at conferences:

Take It to the Page

The early childhood pendulum is currently stuck at quite the extreme. Academics, standardized testing and pressure to conform to developmentally inappropriate 'norms' have challenged our gut feelings to just let kids be kids.

I do, however, have hope that the pendulum is starting to swing back the other way. We have fewer and fewer prospective parents wondering what we're doing academically in our preschool program. Rather, parents are asking about our opportunities for open-ended play and other foundational skills - such as self-regulation, language as a mode of communication, and social/emotional intelligence - as these are the true predictors or success in kindergarten and life.

For young children to thrive, they need social, emotional, and language competence. So what is the most effective way to achieve this? Well, look no further than our school's mission: learning through art and play.

While this may seem pretty simplistic, it is also entirely intentional.

Play

Take a minute to consider this fantastic quote from Mr. Rogers: play is often talked about as it it were a relief from serious learning. But for children, play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.

Play provides a chance for children to make sense of what they're observing in the outside world. It encourages them to practice new concepts over and over and over again as they build confidence and autonomy. Play also offers children a chance to challenge their own thinking. While certain topics of play may seem silly (or downright embarrassing!) to us adults, it often makes perfect sense to a four year old.

Play also offers a fascinating window into where children are developmentally. In our preschool, which serves children ages three to five, we see children playing in a variety of stages but most often in these three:

Symbolic/Solitary Play 

in this stage, the child uses toys for many uses and talks his/her way through this play. For example, a bottle cap is used to keep the liquid in the bottle, but it can also be used as a silly hat or a cup for pretend drinking. Symbolic play, research shows, is one of the most important predictors of language acquisition. Language acquisition is the primary building block for all cognitive and social/emotional development.

Social Play

in this stage, the child begins to play interactively with others. Symbolic play is a prerequisite for this stage because it involves a rudimentary form of back and forth conversational skills and social awareness.

Cooperative Play

in this stage, the child is able to converse back and forth freely with others. Cooperative play requires skills such as the ability to ask/answer questions, act as leader and follower, and extend ones thinking outside of individual ideas and needs. Therefore, a mastery of symbolic and social play is required.

As teachers, we observe children at these different stages to determine what skills they need to move forward on the continuum.

Art

Unfortunately, art is often overlooked as a critical component of childhood development. According to a very well known speech pathologist where we live, art uses the whole brain and, therefore, has the ability to promote critical life skills such as self-regulation, intrinsic motivation, and exploratory imagination.

Not only does art provide a window into a child's development (see previous post on Process and Product), but art provides a positive method for changing undesirable behaviors and uncomfortable emotions.

For the child who is angry or frustrated or sad, providing a chance for them to draw/paint out their emotions can provide a necessary avenue for expression. In other words, let them take it to the page. Depending on where the child is developmentally, this artistic 'release' may be scribbles, symbols, or recognizable shapes or figures. A lot can be learned about a child's feelings by sitting next to them and asking about their drawing - perhaps even scribing his or her words as they talk in order to read back to them later. Some children may also just want to draw in silence and that's okay. Oftentimes, children need these non-verbal means of expression during the busy day.

For the child who shows resistance to drawing, providing an alternative medium - such as clay or play dough - can also provide the same benefits as more traditional forms of art therapy. These alternative forms of artistic therapy can have the same advantages, as well as provide additional fine motor benefits as well.

Art, therefore, provides yet another coping strategy for uncomfortable emotions, while also providing a chance for adults and children to connect without the heavy cognitive load that a one-on-one conversation may require.

See how sitting down and coloring affects your mood! It really is surprisingly calming.

More Reading:
How Process Art Experiences Support Preschoolers

How Art Enhances Childhood Development

Art Therapy for Every Child