The S Word

There's a dirty word in preschool. Can you guess what it is?

No, not that one.

The word that I consider dirty in the preschool world - well, it may surprise you.  It's...

should

I hear this word all the time. From students. From parents. From myself. And it's one that I think about a lot. Maybe too much. So I'm going to try and get some of my thoughts on the subject out here.

For children, should implies a developing independence and autonomy. Surely, this is not a bad thing. But when it becomes a child's crutch for engagement in an activity, a certain level of intervention is necessary.

Should I add more colors? Should I be done with my picture now? Should I go play somewhere else?

When a child uses the S word a lot, it tells me that they look to adults for assurance and validation of their thoughts and feelings. During the early childhood years, it's critical for adults to take a step back from these invitations and encourage children to reflect and assess on their own. Only then can they start to strengthen that important self-evaluation muscle. Therefore, my approach to the S word in preschool is often just to respond with another question (or two, or three):

Should I add more colors?

What do you think? Is it done? How does it make you feel? 

For adults, should suggests that there's only one way something can be accomplished. It also implies a misguided focus on unrealistically high expectations.

Should he be writing his name by now? Should she know all of her letters and sounds by June? Shouldn't he be completely potty-trained by now?

It is so, so, so easy to get caught up in the "milestones" of childhood development. As parents, we are bombarded by information everywhere we look. We get caught up in conversations and comparisons with our friends. Deep down, we also truly just want our kids to be happy. And it's a logical conclusion that successful children are happy so we, as parents, should do everything in our power to help our children succeed in their happiness.

The only problem with this train of thought is that all children are different. Different innate personalities. Different backgrounds, resources, and family structures. Different coping mechanisms. Different birth stories. Different family values. The list could go on and on.

Despite being an educator for many years prior, it really took the bomb of becoming a parent to three children close in age for me to fully get this. My children really could not be more different. I have the extreme extrovert who thrives on being around people all the time. I have the extreme introvert with developmental delays who would happily spend all of his time at home. And then I have the perfect-on-the-outside-complex-on-the-inside child who needs more snuggles than the average human being. (And, yes, this is really minimizing their complex personalities). The point is, I found myself getting sucked into the never-ending whirlpool of childhood development shoulds and needed to find a way out.

So when I hear parents say the S word, I think it's important to take a step back. Take a look at the big picture. What are your child's strengths? Where can they use support? How can we get them that support? Is that support really necessary for a four year old?

What I have learned - and am still learning - is that children will get to where they need to go but they are all on their own developmental curve.

And living in a should world can be kind of should-y. So give yourself a break!

Encouraging Self Evaluation

One issue that we have been working through this year is the volume of the classroom. Let's face it - this group is loud! It's a busy kind of loud. Big ideas. Big emotions. Honestly, I have never had a class this loud which is kind of great because it has stretched me to reassess my thinking as a preschool educator and collaborate with others to discover new and more intentional strategies. These kinds of challenges are why I love teaching in the field of early education.

These kinds of challenges are also why I fall asleep on the couch around 8:15 every night.

But I digress.

So how could we go about changing the classroom volume in a constructive, positive, and child-centered way?

We started by holding a class meeting about the volume in the classroom: Is the volume working for us? (no) How do we know (too many reminders from teachers, can't hear my friends, etc.) Is this something we want to change? (yes)

We then discussed different volume levels at school (loud, indoor voices, whispers, no talking) and the times of day that appropriately matched each volume level (for example, treasure boxes should be completed in quiet whispers). One child had the realization that different volumes reminded him of a thermometer, so we created this visual to be posted in the classroom:

I'm not sure how our thermometer was made upside down. I'm doing everything in my power to quiet the OCD side of me and leave it be.

In the days that followed, we reviewed our volume thermometer at group time. I also carried it around during different times of the day and asked students where their voices were and, if changes were necessary, where should they be and how would they get there (which is so much more pleasant than saying 'shhhhh' all the time!). Plenty of review and modeling was provided.

As the children became more confident with this visual tool, a truly remarkable thing started to happen. They began self-evaluating their own volumes with no teacher intervention at all.

We watched as students went over to the chart and ran their finger down the thermometer: where is the volume right now? Where should it be?

We watched as students gave each other gentle reminders: you're in the red zone but you should be in the green zone.

We watched as students began to transfer the self-evaluation process to other areas in the classroom: did we stay in the green zone during lunch? thumbs up, to the side, or down?

As difficult as it may be, I always try my best to refrain from praising children in the moment for these actions. I really want them to take ownership and observe how their own actions can authentically and directly change the learning climate without adult validation. Praise is saved as a reflective learning tool during whole group instruction. As a result, the children begin to grow their own independence in preparation for the larger classroom and, eventually, the 'real world.'

This class constantly reminds me of the importance of child-centered education. Would we have attained the same powerful results if the teacher had simply made the rules for the children? Most likely not. To provide preschoolers with the tools to become their own autonomous learners is one of the greatest gifts we - as teachers and parents - can provide during these key developmental stages in their lives.