Teacher! He won't play with me!

The four year old brain can be an "acid trip" (yes, a real term suggested from a highly respected professional on the island!) of thoughts and emotions - both comfortable and uncomfortable. Problem-solving through these uncomfortable emotions is what preschool is all about.

One conflict that requires a lot of work - especially as children gain a greater sense of social awareness (typically within the 4-5 age range) - is social inclusion and exclusion. I would say that, in an average day, about 50% of the conflicts that arise in the early childhood classroom have to do with children wanting to play with a peer and being rejected, thus resulting in seeking help from a teacher.

We talk a lot about this type of conflict at group time and in the moment as well. We role play and model how to be inclusive with our peers. We also suggest to children that 'everyone can play' at preschool except for when a child needs alone time (because we ALL need alone time sometimes, right?!).

Dealing with this conflict year after year, however, has really got me thinking about teaching children how to resolve this kind of conflict BEFORE it even happens. How can we support students in evaluating a social situation before they even attempt to enter it, with the hope that the chance of rejection is much, much smaller?

Enter the red light/yellow light/green light strategy for WHEN (not HOW) to approach a friend to play.

The basic idea of this strategy suggests that people give off a red light (they don't want to interact with you), yellow light (not sure), or green light (they do want to play with you). Children can be taught how to approach others giving off these signals, as well as how to give off these signals to others.

The red light child might appear angry. He might be deeply invested in what he's doing and ignoring you. He might not make eye contact. He might be running away from you!

The green light child might appear happy, content, or calm. He might make eye contact and face you with his body. He might be initiating play.

Parents can use this strategy for teaching children when friends, siblings, and even adults are approachable or not approachable. Parents can also use this strategy for showing children how their own body language and words can affect how others perceive them. It's a fascinating strategy and is applicable well into the adult years!

Here's the worksheet that I sent home with my parents at conferences: