Social Stories

Social stories are an incredibly powerful tool for teaching young children about social norms. It's no secret that one of the most effective ways to support a child's learning is through literature. However, I have had a heck of a time finding simple (but not too simple), developmentally-appropriate social stories that use similar language to what we use in the Pre-K classroom.

So I decided to write my own.

Families, feel free to use these stories at home as a tool for starting or continuing a conversation with your child about social norms. All stories with a link can be downloaded and printed. If there isn't a link yet, that means that the story isn't quite complete yet with pictures (so stay tuned).

Kitty Cats Include Others
a social story to teach children how to include others in play

Magical Creatures Make Great Friends
a social story to teach child how to initiate, join, and sustain play

Ninjas Use Helping Hands
a social story to teach children how to use gentle hands in play and times of conflict

My Body is a Traffic Light!
a social story to teach children about the message their face and body language is sending to their friends

Kings (and Queens) Listen to Others
a social story to encourage natural leaders to listen to others' ideas in play

Dogs Woof. Cats Meow. People Talk.
a social story to teach children the importance of speaking in a clear voice without whining

Bucket-Fillers Tell the Truth
a social story to teach children the importance of telling the truth

Princesses (and Princes) Use Polite Words
a social story to teach child to use polite words

The Art of Listening

Adults. We talk a lot. We're not always the best listeners when it comes to children. It's part of our nature to want to solve problems and impart our own wisdom. To teach, really. When it comes to young children, there are times when we, as teachers of life, just can't help ourselves.

But learning when to bite our tongue can also be a very powerful - and challenging - exercise.

The other day a child came to school with a problem that needed to be solved. The swings are a very popular place on the playground - often having a line of four or five children long - and there was no good way to save one's place to go to the bathroom, get a coat, or grab a quick drink of water.

Being the great problem-solver that she already is, this child came to school with a plan. She had written out the names of five friends on separate pieces of paper to place on the swings as "placeholders" should the need arise.

Every fiber in my adult/teacher being wanted to point out the potential problems to this well-meaning child:
How are the other children going to feel that don't have placeholders?
But these pieces of paper won't hold up ten minutes in a Pacific Northwest downpour!
It's not okay to save swings in the first place!

I ended up commending her for her attention to the problem and her attempt to come up with a solution. Then I suggested we talk as a group about other possible solutions to the problem. Our meeting went something like this:

Me: Hannah noticed a problem on our playground. There's no good way to save your swing or place in line if you have to go to the bathroom. Does anyone else see this as a problem?

Everyone raises their hand.

Me: So do you think we should be able to save a swing? Even if there's a line of people waiting?

Everyone nods unanimously and excitedly. (This took every ounce of restraint not to point out the issues with this)

Student: You can save your place inside but you can't save your place outside! (Hmmmm....never thought about that)

Me: So this is obviously a problem. What are some ways that we can solve it?

Hannah (showing the name cards that she made) explains her idea (solution #1)

Student: My name isn't in there!

Hannah: I could make a card for everyone in the class. (solution #2)

Student: What about the sand timer? (solution #3)

Me: How would you use the sand timer to solve this problem?

Student shrugs his shoulders. A few others solutions were then discussed, including teachers saving spots for students - an idea that was quickly dismissed by students for being too impractical.

Me: Okay, so we agree that we all want to be able to save our swing. Do you see any potential problems with Hannah's pieces of paper? (Part of me wishes that I had encouraged them to use the papers to see how quickly they would fall apart but we were having such a good conversation at this point and I saw it as an opportunity to deepen their thinking even more).

Student: We could lose them.

Student: They could get wet.

Student: What about a beanbag instead? Everyone starts agreeing.

Me: Okay, so we'll use a beanbag to hold places in line. Do we all agree on this solution? An overwhelming agreement finalized the meeting.

Within only five minutes, a teacher-guided / student-led conversation had resulted in a real problem being solved. Students felt validated. Cooperation was rewarded. A feeling of mutual respect was instilled. And while I can still see the potential problems down the road (how long can you save a swing or place for?), they will be rich sources for authentic conflict resolution strategies.

I encourage you to bite your tongue the next time you are around children willing and wanting to solve a problem. Guide them to think critically. Encourage them to consider their peers' viewpoints. Challenge them to come up with - and stick to/reconsider - their solutions. Doing this will result in genuine and authentic learning that will lead to autonomous, empowered citizens of the world.

Transitioning to Kindergarten

The end of preschool can bring up a lot of uncomfortable emotions - for children and parents both. For those who haven't seen a child off to kindergarten before (and even those who have...particularly if the transition was challenging the first time around), there can be a lot of anxiety and worry about the unknown. A lot of families also experience sadness that the close-knit community of the preschool years is coming to an end. The more we, as parents, are able to identify and validate our own emotions during these more challenging times, the better we can support our children to do the same.

Here are a few tips for helping children (and ourselves) through this transition period:

1. Talk openly with your child about their feelings regarding the transition to kindergarten. 

Listening without judgement ("that's silly to feel worried") or brushing off their feelings ("you don't need to be worried. It'll be fine") will provide your child with the pathway to express him/herself when they're ready.

Starting the listening and conversation process early will allow more reluctant or uncertain children time to process how they're feeling. This takes time for a lot of children! Role playing with puppets or stuffed animals can be a handy tool for talking about feelings, too.

Validating their feelings ("it's okay to feel worried..."), while offering reassurances, will help to build your child's confidence and comfort in being an independent thinker.

2. Try not to show your own anxieties too much - or add to the anxiety of the experience (such as with a "countdown to kindergarten" chart). Instead, try talking with your child about your own kindergarten experience in a relaxed and informal way. Or have a sibling tell your child about some of their positive experiences from that year. (Save the overcoming-negative-experiences stories for later).

3. Create some familiarity.

If you know the school that your child will be attending, spend time on the playground there over the summer. Walk through the halls when the doors open again in August. Plan play dates over the summer with children who will be attending the same school.

For those families living in a swing district, spend time at both schools! We are so fortunate to live in a community with so many wonderful elementary campuses.

4. Prepare your child by playing the "what if" game.

At bedtime, or another relaxed time of day, talk your child through some of the unknowns of the day using this playful format.
"What if... you need to use the bathroom during class?"
"What if... you hurt yourself out at recess?"
"What if... you can't find your classroom?"
Talking through these scenarios and coming up with a general plan for each will provide your child with the power of information and, hopefully, help to ease some of the anxieties leading up to elementary school.

5. Read! Read! Read!

There are many great books about the kindergarten transition. Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready for Kindergarten is my personal favorite. Others include: Look Out Kindergarten, Here I Come!, The Pirate of Kindergarten, and Kindergarten Rocks! (to name just a few).

You might also consider reading stories about some of the uncomfortable emotions that your child may be experiencing leading up to kindergarten. Wemberly Worried and Chrysanthemum are two of my favorites. Of course, there are tons of wonderful stories out there to help your child learn strategies for getting back to green.

With all of these suggestions, remember not to go too overboard. Watch how your child responds and adjust accordingly. September is still a long way off and children at this age don't have a strong sense of time. While some children may need quite a bit of preparation time, others may not. You know your child best. Follow their lead.

Take It to the Page

The early childhood pendulum is currently stuck at quite the extreme. Academics, standardized testing and pressure to conform to developmentally inappropriate 'norms' have challenged our gut feelings to just let kids be kids.

I do, however, have hope that the pendulum is starting to swing back the other way. We have fewer and fewer prospective parents wondering what we're doing academically in our preschool program. Rather, parents are asking about our opportunities for open-ended play and other foundational skills - such as self-regulation, language as a mode of communication, and social/emotional intelligence - as these are the true predictors or success in kindergarten and life.

For young children to thrive, they need social, emotional, and language competence. So what is the most effective way to achieve this? Well, look no further than our school's mission: learning through art and play.

While this may seem pretty simplistic, it is also entirely intentional.

Play

Take a minute to consider this fantastic quote from Mr. Rogers: play is often talked about as it it were a relief from serious learning. But for children, play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.

Play provides a chance for children to make sense of what they're observing in the outside world. It encourages them to practice new concepts over and over and over again as they build confidence and autonomy. Play also offers children a chance to challenge their own thinking. While certain topics of play may seem silly (or downright embarrassing!) to us adults, it often makes perfect sense to a four year old.

Play also offers a fascinating window into where children are developmentally. In our preschool, which serves children ages three to five, we see children playing in a variety of stages but most often in these three:

Symbolic/Solitary Play 

in this stage, the child uses toys for many uses and talks his/her way through this play. For example, a bottle cap is used to keep the liquid in the bottle, but it can also be used as a silly hat or a cup for pretend drinking. Symbolic play, research shows, is one of the most important predictors of language acquisition. Language acquisition is the primary building block for all cognitive and social/emotional development.

Social Play

in this stage, the child begins to play interactively with others. Symbolic play is a prerequisite for this stage because it involves a rudimentary form of back and forth conversational skills and social awareness.

Cooperative Play

in this stage, the child is able to converse back and forth freely with others. Cooperative play requires skills such as the ability to ask/answer questions, act as leader and follower, and extend ones thinking outside of individual ideas and needs. Therefore, a mastery of symbolic and social play is required.

As teachers, we observe children at these different stages to determine what skills they need to move forward on the continuum.

Art

Unfortunately, art is often overlooked as a critical component of childhood development. According to a very well known speech pathologist where we live, art uses the whole brain and, therefore, has the ability to promote critical life skills such as self-regulation, intrinsic motivation, and exploratory imagination.

Not only does art provide a window into a child's development (see previous post on Process and Product), but art provides a positive method for changing undesirable behaviors and uncomfortable emotions.

For the child who is angry or frustrated or sad, providing a chance for them to draw/paint out their emotions can provide a necessary avenue for expression. In other words, let them take it to the page. Depending on where the child is developmentally, this artistic 'release' may be scribbles, symbols, or recognizable shapes or figures. A lot can be learned about a child's feelings by sitting next to them and asking about their drawing - perhaps even scribing his or her words as they talk in order to read back to them later. Some children may also just want to draw in silence and that's okay. Oftentimes, children need these non-verbal means of expression during the busy day.

For the child who shows resistance to drawing, providing an alternative medium - such as clay or play dough - can also provide the same benefits as more traditional forms of art therapy. These alternative forms of artistic therapy can have the same advantages, as well as provide additional fine motor benefits as well.

Art, therefore, provides yet another coping strategy for uncomfortable emotions, while also providing a chance for adults and children to connect without the heavy cognitive load that a one-on-one conversation may require.

See how sitting down and coloring affects your mood! It really is surprisingly calming.

More Reading:
How Process Art Experiences Support Preschoolers

How Art Enhances Childhood Development

Art Therapy for Every Child

Gun Play

We are working on storytelling right now which always brings up the age old question of gun play at school. Preschool-aged children - particularly boys, but not always - are like moths to a flame when it comes to guns. Research is all over the place as to why this occurs - whether it be an innate feeling to experience power, exposure to violence in the home, and/or influence of the media and other toys. Whatever the reason(s) may be, this fascination comes out in stories and all kinds of play.

Now, where we live, guns are kind of a taboo topic. Most people shudder at the thought of weapons of any sort - especially around young children - because they go against their core family values. Many consider guns to promote violence and suggest an ill will towards others. Perhaps parents worry that their gun-loving child may become a gun-loving adult.

Can we support a child's social and emotional growth and learning through play but tell them that certain topics should not be explored? How do we support students who do not like playing "with" guns when this play is all around them?

My own philosophy of violent play at school has changed throughout the last few years. Currently, I approach gun play at preschool in much the same way that I approach other "rules" in the classroom - to provide the tools for the children themselves to determine what should be allowed and what should not. While I used to have a "no guns" rule at school, I've found that this really didn't accomplish much at all. Rather, having a zero tolerance for guns actually created a significant increase in negative attention to those who often played this way - particularly, boys.

Reminding students about the two rules we came up with as a class - we are kind and we are safe - during gun play allows them the chance to decide if it should be permitted. For example, when a group of children are up on the boat 'shooting' their unconsenting peers below, we can talk about how we have the right to feel safe at school and, therefore, the game needs to change directions. On the other hand, when a group of children are playing 'good guys and bad guys' (which is another post entirely), and everyone feels safe playing the game, the game continues as is.

Sometimes these scenarios can be a little tricky, of course. Like the time a child was insisting he was shooting "love arrows" at everyone. Sigh.

Personally, I hate guns and find myself cringing when children shoot at each other. However, I also consider gun play to be developmentally appropriate within the preschool classroom and, therefore, must work hard to separate these conflicting beliefs. With proper modeling of non-violent behavior, sensitivity to those who prefer not to play this way, and open communication with families, I believe there can be a place for violent play in the early childhood setting.