Teacher! He won't play with me!

The four year old brain can be an "acid trip" (yes, a real term suggested from a highly respected professional on the island!) of thoughts and emotions - both comfortable and uncomfortable. Problem-solving through these uncomfortable emotions is what preschool is all about.

One conflict that requires a lot of work - especially as children gain a greater sense of social awareness (typically within the 4-5 age range) - is social inclusion and exclusion. I would say that, in an average day, about 50% of the conflicts that arise in the early childhood classroom have to do with children wanting to play with a peer and being rejected, thus resulting in seeking help from a teacher.

We talk a lot about this type of conflict at group time and in the moment as well. We role play and model how to be inclusive with our peers. We also suggest to children that 'everyone can play' at preschool except for when a child needs alone time (because we ALL need alone time sometimes, right?!).

Dealing with this conflict year after year, however, has really got me thinking about teaching children how to resolve this kind of conflict BEFORE it even happens. How can we support students in evaluating a social situation before they even attempt to enter it, with the hope that the chance of rejection is much, much smaller?

Enter the red light/yellow light/green light strategy for WHEN (not HOW) to approach a friend to play.

The basic idea of this strategy suggests that people give off a red light (they don't want to interact with you), yellow light (not sure), or green light (they do want to play with you). Children can be taught how to approach others giving off these signals, as well as how to give off these signals to others.

The red light child might appear angry. He might be deeply invested in what he's doing and ignoring you. He might not make eye contact. He might be running away from you!

The green light child might appear happy, content, or calm. He might make eye contact and face you with his body. He might be initiating play.

Parents can use this strategy for teaching children when friends, siblings, and even adults are approachable or not approachable. Parents can also use this strategy for showing children how their own body language and words can affect how others perceive them. It's a fascinating strategy and is applicable well into the adult years!

Here's the worksheet that I sent home with my parents at conferences:

Take It to the Page

The early childhood pendulum is currently stuck at quite the extreme. Academics, standardized testing and pressure to conform to developmentally inappropriate 'norms' have challenged our gut feelings to just let kids be kids.

I do, however, have hope that the pendulum is starting to swing back the other way. We have fewer and fewer prospective parents wondering what we're doing academically in our preschool program. Rather, parents are asking about our opportunities for open-ended play and other foundational skills - such as self-regulation, language as a mode of communication, and social/emotional intelligence - as these are the true predictors or success in kindergarten and life.

For young children to thrive, they need social, emotional, and language competence. So what is the most effective way to achieve this? Well, look no further than our school's mission: learning through art and play.

While this may seem pretty simplistic, it is also entirely intentional.

Play

Take a minute to consider this fantastic quote from Mr. Rogers: play is often talked about as it it were a relief from serious learning. But for children, play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.

Play provides a chance for children to make sense of what they're observing in the outside world. It encourages them to practice new concepts over and over and over again as they build confidence and autonomy. Play also offers children a chance to challenge their own thinking. While certain topics of play may seem silly (or downright embarrassing!) to us adults, it often makes perfect sense to a four year old.

Play also offers a fascinating window into where children are developmentally. In our preschool, which serves children ages three to five, we see children playing in a variety of stages but most often in these three:

Symbolic/Solitary Play 

in this stage, the child uses toys for many uses and talks his/her way through this play. For example, a bottle cap is used to keep the liquid in the bottle, but it can also be used as a silly hat or a cup for pretend drinking. Symbolic play, research shows, is one of the most important predictors of language acquisition. Language acquisition is the primary building block for all cognitive and social/emotional development.

Social Play

in this stage, the child begins to play interactively with others. Symbolic play is a prerequisite for this stage because it involves a rudimentary form of back and forth conversational skills and social awareness.

Cooperative Play

in this stage, the child is able to converse back and forth freely with others. Cooperative play requires skills such as the ability to ask/answer questions, act as leader and follower, and extend ones thinking outside of individual ideas and needs. Therefore, a mastery of symbolic and social play is required.

As teachers, we observe children at these different stages to determine what skills they need to move forward on the continuum.

Art

Unfortunately, art is often overlooked as a critical component of childhood development. According to a very well known speech pathologist where we live, art uses the whole brain and, therefore, has the ability to promote critical life skills such as self-regulation, intrinsic motivation, and exploratory imagination.

Not only does art provide a window into a child's development (see previous post on Process and Product), but art provides a positive method for changing undesirable behaviors and uncomfortable emotions.

For the child who is angry or frustrated or sad, providing a chance for them to draw/paint out their emotions can provide a necessary avenue for expression. In other words, let them take it to the page. Depending on where the child is developmentally, this artistic 'release' may be scribbles, symbols, or recognizable shapes or figures. A lot can be learned about a child's feelings by sitting next to them and asking about their drawing - perhaps even scribing his or her words as they talk in order to read back to them later. Some children may also just want to draw in silence and that's okay. Oftentimes, children need these non-verbal means of expression during the busy day.

For the child who shows resistance to drawing, providing an alternative medium - such as clay or play dough - can also provide the same benefits as more traditional forms of art therapy. These alternative forms of artistic therapy can have the same advantages, as well as provide additional fine motor benefits as well.

Art, therefore, provides yet another coping strategy for uncomfortable emotions, while also providing a chance for adults and children to connect without the heavy cognitive load that a one-on-one conversation may require.

See how sitting down and coloring affects your mood! It really is surprisingly calming.

More Reading:
How Process Art Experiences Support Preschoolers

How Art Enhances Childhood Development

Art Therapy for Every Child

Gun Play

We are working on storytelling right now which always brings up the age old question of gun play at school. Preschool-aged children - particularly boys, but not always - are like moths to a flame when it comes to guns. Research is all over the place as to why this occurs - whether it be an innate feeling to experience power, exposure to violence in the home, and/or influence of the media and other toys. Whatever the reason(s) may be, this fascination comes out in stories and all kinds of play.

Now, where we live, guns are kind of a taboo topic. Most people shudder at the thought of weapons of any sort - especially around young children - because they go against their core family values. Many consider guns to promote violence and suggest an ill will towards others. Perhaps parents worry that their gun-loving child may become a gun-loving adult.

Can we support a child's social and emotional growth and learning through play but tell them that certain topics should not be explored? How do we support students who do not like playing "with" guns when this play is all around them?

My own philosophy of violent play at school has changed throughout the last few years. Currently, I approach gun play at preschool in much the same way that I approach other "rules" in the classroom - to provide the tools for the children themselves to determine what should be allowed and what should not. While I used to have a "no guns" rule at school, I've found that this really didn't accomplish much at all. Rather, having a zero tolerance for guns actually created a significant increase in negative attention to those who often played this way - particularly, boys.

Reminding students about the two rules we came up with as a class - we are kind and we are safe - during gun play allows them the chance to decide if it should be permitted. For example, when a group of children are up on the boat 'shooting' their unconsenting peers below, we can talk about how we have the right to feel safe at school and, therefore, the game needs to change directions. On the other hand, when a group of children are playing 'good guys and bad guys' (which is another post entirely), and everyone feels safe playing the game, the game continues as is.

Sometimes these scenarios can be a little tricky, of course. Like the time a child was insisting he was shooting "love arrows" at everyone. Sigh.

Personally, I hate guns and find myself cringing when children shoot at each other. However, I also consider gun play to be developmentally appropriate within the preschool classroom and, therefore, must work hard to separate these conflicting beliefs. With proper modeling of non-violent behavior, sensitivity to those who prefer not to play this way, and open communication with families, I believe there can be a place for violent play in the early childhood setting.