Conflict Resolution 101

Conflicts. They are an everyday, ongoing occurrence in the preschool classroom.

They are also a critical part of the preschool classroom. For many children, preschool is their first opportunity for learning how to get along with others. For others, perhaps those who have gone to daycare or have siblings, preschool is more like Conflict Resolution 102.

Nevertheless, we take problem solving seriously here at preschool. Really my ultimate goal is for my students to be able to solve their own "mouse" problems with little to no adult intervention by the time they walk out of my door to kindergarten. So what's a mouse problem you ask? Well, really anything that is not dangerous or threatening. "Elephant" problems, on the other hand, require immediate teacher help. I would say nearly 95% of our problems at preschool are mouse problems - wanting the same toy, for example.

In the classroom we have a problem-solving basket that includes different choices for working through problems. Some of these include:
- using a sand timer to take turns
- rock, paper, scissors
- eeny, meeny, miny, mo
- go make a different choice
- find a way to play together

And these are are well and good strategies for working through conflicts. We discuss during non-heated times of the day. We model. We role-play. These strategies are important to empower our students and support their autonomy.

So what's the problem? Easy peasy right?

Well, preschoolers are emotional! They're self-indulgent by nature! One could even argue they are irrational at times!

For example, during a recent conflict over a toy, it was quickly apparent that teacher intervention needed to occur when the girls started to get physical:

Situation: two girls were arguing over a plastic cow in the block area. Grabbing began to occur.

Me: what is the problem here? (taking the cow behind my back)

Girls: I want the cow! No, I had it first!

Me: I can see that you both want the cow (stating the problem). Is grabbing it away from each other working for you (determining the problem's value)?

Girls: No!

Me: So how are we going to solve this problem? (motioning towards our problem solving basket)

Girl A: get the sand timer
Girl B: rock, paper, scissors

Me: Okay, so which one are you going to choose? (make a plan)

So, I can tell you that this is where it all fell apart. Neither girl was willing to compromise in order to get to the next step which is to follow through with the plan. And, since it was clear that my attention was needed elsewhere in the classroom, I asked a simple question:

"So do you want to hear how Teacher Kari would solve this problem?" They nodded. I proceeded to take the cow away from the block area with a short explanation of why I made that choice. As I looked back, they both looked a little bewildered at first. But then - off they went - to another area.

The take away? Conflict resolution is a work in progress. It takes time. It takes consistency. It takes willing participants. However, with work (and perhaps some compromises), they will get there. And perhaps someday they won't rely on the teacher for intervention because she might not provide a solution that you like!