Gun Play

We are working on storytelling right now which always brings up the age old question of gun play at school. Preschool-aged children - particularly boys, but not always - are like moths to a flame when it comes to guns. Research is all over the place as to why this occurs - whether it be an innate feeling to experience power, exposure to violence in the home, and/or influence of the media and other toys. Whatever the reason(s) may be, this fascination comes out in stories and all kinds of play.

Now, where we live, guns are kind of a taboo topic. Most people shudder at the thought of weapons of any sort - especially around young children - because they go against their core family values. Many consider guns to promote violence and suggest an ill will towards others. Perhaps parents worry that their gun-loving child may become a gun-loving adult.

Can we support a child's social and emotional growth and learning through play but tell them that certain topics should not be explored? How do we support students who do not like playing "with" guns when this play is all around them?

My own philosophy of violent play at school has changed throughout the last few years. Currently, I approach gun play at preschool in much the same way that I approach other "rules" in the classroom - to provide the tools for the children themselves to determine what should be allowed and what should not. While I used to have a "no guns" rule at school, I've found that this really didn't accomplish much at all. Rather, having a zero tolerance for guns actually created a significant increase in negative attention to those who often played this way - particularly, boys.

Reminding students about the two rules we came up with as a class - we are kind and we are safe - during gun play allows them the chance to decide if it should be permitted. For example, when a group of children are up on the boat 'shooting' their unconsenting peers below, we can talk about how we have the right to feel safe at school and, therefore, the game needs to change directions. On the other hand, when a group of children are playing 'good guys and bad guys' (which is another post entirely), and everyone feels safe playing the game, the game continues as is.

Sometimes these scenarios can be a little tricky, of course. Like the time a child was insisting he was shooting "love arrows" at everyone. Sigh.

Personally, I hate guns and find myself cringing when children shoot at each other. However, I also consider gun play to be developmentally appropriate within the preschool classroom and, therefore, must work hard to separate these conflicting beliefs. With proper modeling of non-violent behavior, sensitivity to those who prefer not to play this way, and open communication with families, I believe there can be a place for violent play in the early childhood setting.

The S Word

There's a dirty word in preschool. Can you guess what it is?

No, not that one.

The word that I consider dirty in the preschool world - well, it may surprise you.  It's...

should

I hear this word all the time. From students. From parents. From myself. And it's one that I think about a lot. Maybe too much. So I'm going to try and get some of my thoughts on the subject out here.

For children, should implies a developing independence and autonomy. Surely, this is not a bad thing. But when it becomes a child's crutch for engagement in an activity, a certain level of intervention is necessary.

Should I add more colors? Should I be done with my picture now? Should I go play somewhere else?

When a child uses the S word a lot, it tells me that they look to adults for assurance and validation of their thoughts and feelings. During the early childhood years, it's critical for adults to take a step back from these invitations and encourage children to reflect and assess on their own. Only then can they start to strengthen that important self-evaluation muscle. Therefore, my approach to the S word in preschool is often just to respond with another question (or two, or three):

Should I add more colors?

What do you think? Is it done? How does it make you feel? 

For adults, should suggests that there's only one way something can be accomplished. It also implies a misguided focus on unrealistically high expectations.

Should he be writing his name by now? Should she know all of her letters and sounds by June? Shouldn't he be completely potty-trained by now?

It is so, so, so easy to get caught up in the "milestones" of childhood development. As parents, we are bombarded by information everywhere we look. We get caught up in conversations and comparisons with our friends. Deep down, we also truly just want our kids to be happy. And it's a logical conclusion that successful children are happy so we, as parents, should do everything in our power to help our children succeed in their happiness.

The only problem with this train of thought is that all children are different. Different innate personalities. Different backgrounds, resources, and family structures. Different coping mechanisms. Different birth stories. Different family values. The list could go on and on.

Despite being an educator for many years prior, it really took the bomb of becoming a parent to three children close in age for me to fully get this. My children really could not be more different. I have the extreme extrovert who thrives on being around people all the time. I have the extreme introvert with developmental delays who would happily spend all of his time at home. And then I have the perfect-on-the-outside-complex-on-the-inside child who needs more snuggles than the average human being. (And, yes, this is really minimizing their complex personalities). The point is, I found myself getting sucked into the never-ending whirlpool of childhood development shoulds and needed to find a way out.

So when I hear parents say the S word, I think it's important to take a step back. Take a look at the big picture. What are your child's strengths? Where can they use support? How can we get them that support? Is that support really necessary for a four year old?

What I have learned - and am still learning - is that children will get to where they need to go but they are all on their own developmental curve.

And living in a should world can be kind of should-y. So give yourself a break!

Just Breathe

Holiday parties. Elves on the shelves. Christmas trains. Visits to Santa. Shopping and lines (and lines and more lines). Concerts and musicals. Holiday movies. House guests. And who can forget the gifts?

The holidays are an exciting time and we are so lucky to live in a smallish community that prides itself on its many offerings for family entertainment.

As a parent to young children myself, I know that I can definitely get caught up in the spirit of the holidays.

I also wholeheartedly believe in the importance of taking the time to reflect on our own families, their needs, and what is really important based on our own unique family values. Some children do just fine with changes in routines. For others, a bombardment of extra people, social activities, and high expectations can result in some undesirable behaviors.

How do you do with the holiday excitement? Do you find joy in the activities and find yourself generally happier during December? Do you find yourself stressed out by the high expectations? Do you feel pressure to maintain certain holiday traditions or are you able to let go?

The reason I ask these questions is that children pick up on our emotional cues much more than we think they do. When we exhibit an excessive amount of stress and worry and anxiety, our children internalize (and then externalize) these behaviors. In the preschool crowd, this often manifests itself in extra tiredness, tantrums, irritability, and a general decreased ability to work through problems with their peers.

Of course, this is not to say that we, as parents, should hide all of our negative emotions from children. Being 'perfect' does nothing to support a child's healthy emotional development.

The key is trying to find that magic balance in life. I know this can be easier said than done. Knowing ourselves and our children is a great start. Keep in mind that what works for one family can be very different than what works for another. Give yourself - and your children - permission to breathe.

I hope that everyone has a safe, healthy, happy holiday season - no matter what that may look like for you and yours!

  

Encouraging Self Evaluation

One issue that we have been working through this year is the volume of the classroom. Let's face it - this group is loud! It's a busy kind of loud. Big ideas. Big emotions. Honestly, I have never had a class this loud which is kind of great because it has stretched me to reassess my thinking as a preschool educator and collaborate with others to discover new and more intentional strategies. These kinds of challenges are why I love teaching in the field of early education.

These kinds of challenges are also why I fall asleep on the couch around 8:15 every night.

But I digress.

So how could we go about changing the classroom volume in a constructive, positive, and child-centered way?

We started by holding a class meeting about the volume in the classroom: Is the volume working for us? (no) How do we know (too many reminders from teachers, can't hear my friends, etc.) Is this something we want to change? (yes)

We then discussed different volume levels at school (loud, indoor voices, whispers, no talking) and the times of day that appropriately matched each volume level (for example, treasure boxes should be completed in quiet whispers). One child had the realization that different volumes reminded him of a thermometer, so we created this visual to be posted in the classroom:

I'm not sure how our thermometer was made upside down. I'm doing everything in my power to quiet the OCD side of me and leave it be.

In the days that followed, we reviewed our volume thermometer at group time. I also carried it around during different times of the day and asked students where their voices were and, if changes were necessary, where should they be and how would they get there (which is so much more pleasant than saying 'shhhhh' all the time!). Plenty of review and modeling was provided.

As the children became more confident with this visual tool, a truly remarkable thing started to happen. They began self-evaluating their own volumes with no teacher intervention at all.

We watched as students went over to the chart and ran their finger down the thermometer: where is the volume right now? Where should it be?

We watched as students gave each other gentle reminders: you're in the red zone but you should be in the green zone.

We watched as students began to transfer the self-evaluation process to other areas in the classroom: did we stay in the green zone during lunch? thumbs up, to the side, or down?

As difficult as it may be, I always try my best to refrain from praising children in the moment for these actions. I really want them to take ownership and observe how their own actions can authentically and directly change the learning climate without adult validation. Praise is saved as a reflective learning tool during whole group instruction. As a result, the children begin to grow their own independence in preparation for the larger classroom and, eventually, the 'real world.'

This class constantly reminds me of the importance of child-centered education. Would we have attained the same powerful results if the teacher had simply made the rules for the children? Most likely not. To provide preschoolers with the tools to become their own autonomous learners is one of the greatest gifts we - as teachers and parents - can provide during these key developmental stages in their lives.

Praise Junkies

Process-based praise / product-based praise. Growth mindset / fixed mindset. Intrinsically motivated / extrinsically motivated.

These are all buzz words in the field of education right now. Personally, I find the topic fascinating.

At our parent support group last night we discussed the importance of person-based praise and how our own words and actions can help to shape the way our children feel about their own abilities. As a desired result of this kind of feedback, our children will have the tools to be confident, independent thinkers who find the value in trying hard, celebrating their own successes, and being okay with learning from their own mistakes.

A book that I recommend to families is Getting to Calm: The Early Years. In it, Laura Kastner discusses the GOLD standard for giving. To be effective, praise must be:

Genuine - young children know when they're being played with extreme praise. By praising children on traits they have the power to change - and showing genuine interest and care for these pursuits - praise feels more trustworthy.
Instead of: This picture belongs in a museum!
Try: I love the way the way the blue of the sky meets the green of the hill.

Occasional - excessive and frequent praise can make children feel uncomfortable. They also start to tune it out. Save praise for times when your child can reflect and learn from your words.
Instead of: Amazing! Good boy!
Try: I was impressed by how well you listened to the coach and tried your best during the game.

Limited and specific - despite adults seemingly being programmed to tell children 'good job' for their work, these kinds of general praise remarks really mean nothing to children. Research shows that general praise actually has a negative effect, decreasing interest, reducing achievement, stealing a child's pleasure, and creating praise junkies over time (eek! no pressure...).
Instead of: Good job! Amazing work!
Try: I appreciate that you cleared every dish off the table tonight.

Decent effort - the key to praising young children is to focus on traits they can change. When children receive feedback for a growth mindset, they learn that hard work and effort can pay off. On the flip side, when feedback focuses on fixed traits - such as intellect or "potential" - children may start to assume these identities. Once these mindsets are established, it can be very hard to break free.
Instead of: Your picture was the best in the class!
Try: Your effort to add lots of colors and details in your art is really paying off.

Nearly all of the parents last night agreed that, while a critical pursuit, making these changes to our parenting styles is not easy! It requires effort (ha) and energy to limit and refine our praise toward children to make it more meaningful.

It's also not going to happen overnight. One parent suggested taking note of how many times we say 'good job' during the day. From there, parents can set a goal or two for tweaking our praising behaviors. Over time, with small adjustments, this kind of feedback will start to get easier and easier. And the outcome? Happier, emotionally-healthier, confident, risk-taking children.

The Hanen Center provides another great article about praise and how to effectively start implementing person/process-based praise into our daily lives.

Process and Product

"My child used to do this coolest projects at her old school," said a parent during my first year teaching preschool.

"Like what?" I asked.

"At Halloween she made a bat hat that was so cute! I should show you the picture of her class with their bat hats. Oh, and they made this pillow for Mother's Day and she painted I Love My Mom on it. I still have it on my couch."

 At the time, all I could do was smile and nod (and try to hide some hurt feelings because of her implication that our projects were not "cool.").

It's actually taken me a while to fully grasp the reasons and importance behind our school's philosophy about art. And that is...

preschool art is not about the end result, or the product.  It is about the journey, or the process.

When a child is given materials and encouragement (rather than explanations and directions), they are free to create and explore using their own background knowledge and interests. Somewhere along the way they learn to make their own choices. They learn autonomy. They learn persistence and determination and resilience. They learn self-reflection. They learn to be risk takers. They learn that what they create may be different from others and that's okay.

By limiting the amount of adult micromanagement, children learn the value in the process of creating for creation sake. They begin to make their own judgments and require less adult feedback to feel validated and empowered. As our children continue throughout life, this intrinsic motivation and positive self talk is what is going to help them thrive.

Just to be clear, just because we focus on process art at preschool does not mean that I don't have several objectives for each activity in the back of my head. Rather than making sure that children put the appropriate number of legs on their spiders, I focus my attention on individual goals for individual children: For some children, I take note that they came on their own to even try the activity (unfamiliar can be intimidating!). For others, it's a success if they worked longer than one minute. For others, it's can they try it again but using a different technique? This list goes on and on.

As you can see, process art is not lazy or thoughtless. It's actually just the opposite.

Sometime art is messy and all over the place! It's multiple colors - all over each other - until they fill the entire paper and even the clips have to be moved because it just would not be done until every square inch of paper is covered!

Sometimes art is reflective and works to make sense of concepts being learned in the classroom and in life. It requires sitting down. Sometimes we can even see something that we recognize.

Sometimes art shows clear developmental stages, follows patterns, and is "neat." The take away here is this: no matter what art looks like, for preschoolers, it is always purposeful.

Check out this site for helpful ways to talk with your children about their art: http://creativityintherapy.com/2016/07/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-their-art/

Trial and Error

As parents and teachers, our first instinct is often to be proactive when it comes to potential problems that our children might encounter.

We provide reminders throughout the day ("be careful!"). We remove potential hazards from the area. We create rules ("slides are only for going down, not up") that we think will provide order to an otherwise busy and unpredictable environment.

I'm certainly not discounting the gut instincts of parents who deem these actions important for certain children in certain situations.

However, for most of the 3 - 5 year old children at our school, a certain amount of risk is healthy and important for cognitive development. We have real hammers and nails. We have uneven (and sometimes tippy) logs for imaginative play. We often work with sharp wood pieces and messy - sometimes uncomfortable - art materials. Through supportive "supervision without constant intervention," we allow children to explore the world around them and, yes, even make mistakes.

When we back off on some of our less critical rules and provide opportunities for children to make their own, this is where real growth and learning occurs.

Case in point:

Despite multiple attempts by the parents (and teachers at times) to persuade her otherwise, one girl adamantly arrived at school every day in flip flops. While mom and dad and I had discussed the issue (we run! we climb! we're outside a LOT!), it had become a battle that the parents had wisely decided to relent. It was time for her to figure it out on her own.

Fast forward to yesterday and a group of girls were in the middle of a fabulous game of something-or-other that involved going up the slide, down the rickety ladder, up the stairs, and then backwards down the climbing wall (all the "wrong" way to do those things, right?).

Friend 1 went down the wall. No problem. Friend 2 when down. No problem. Friend 3 went down. No problem. And then the girl with flip flops went down. Except her flip flop caught on the top "step" and down she went - on her back - and landed with a thud on the ground.

Oh boy, it hurt. She cried. Nearly all of the children abandoned their games and ran to see if she was okay. She got a drink of water. The teacher gave her some hugs and some cool band-aids.

And then there was the take-away - oh so pointedly claimed by the girl herself - that flip flops were not the best choice at school.

On the outside, I listened to her and even maybe gave her a little nod. On the inside, I jumped for joy that she had some to this conclusion on her own. I was so proud of her! Despite my natural inclination for wanting to validate her, I also wanted her to totally own this experience and take away without an adult's "final word". And she did! (And I think the other children learned a little something from her mistake as well).


AMENDMENT: yep, you guessed it. She came to school in flip flops again. Got to love the predictable unpredictability of preschoolers!